We live in a society that is so obsessed with material things more than life itself. The generality of our people want to define and measure life according to “things” and want also to define and qualify relationships with what they get materially.
They forget that love is the centre and soul of life.
Love is the soul, spirit, texture, nature and reason for relationships. One reason why there is so much confusion in our relationships these days, particularly in marriage, is this unnatural desire and passion for things.
Many marriages are driven and sustained by things and not love. Many are breaking because of lack of things. It looks like our love for one another is linked with things and if those things are not there it is over.
Spouses put each other under serious pressure to get material and some children will also put their parents under so much pressure to get things. This has a serious effect on relationships.
There are two scenarios in our verse today and I want to show you these and hope you will be helped.
There are couples who are in lack and look very ordinary and simple, but have great love for each other:
They eat modestly and sometimes do not have anything to eat. They can even borrow clothes or buy once a year, but their love for each other grows. To me these are people who know what love is.
You love somebody and not their material. Love is not a commercial commodity. Love is what the relationship needs. This is genuine love and if all of us could understand love this way the better for the world.
There are other couples who have things:
They eat well, dress well, drive well and their children go to great and expensive schools and yet there is no love in their relationship.
They are squabbling, fighting, stressed, and they just put up a public face. These are people who end up killing each other and shocking everyone around. Most of them are involved with small houses and with Ben tens. Rich but empty inside.
Money cannot love your spouse, so does a Hammer, new clothes, fancy bed and all that. You love your spouse. What we need to understand is that we need love more than we need all these things. Humanity’s duty towards itself is that of love and not of things.
What can we do to sustain and or correct these situations?
Separate love from materialism:
Do not fool yourself. There are some men who think that if they gave their spouses all the material things then they love them.
That is a mistake. Love is love and material things are material things. They are different. I often say to people, do not marry if you are not ready to love.
Love cannot be faked:
Yes you can pretend for a while but it will expose you. Loving somebody requires your total commitment to them. It calls for 100% commitment to the person. Love the person directly and do not love them through things. You see love must not depend on performance and on rewards.
You give love in order to receive love. It starts with giving it and then you receive it and it’s independent of things. It stands alone.
Focus on loving each other:
Your love for your spouse has enough power to discipline and reform them. Do not fight them but love them. The best way of dealing with your spouse is to love them unconditionally. They have to do nothing to be loved by you. It becomes a nightmare when they have to work to be loved.
Your spouse is more valuable than material things:
She or he is more quality and more expensive than gold. So you are hurting your relationship and yourself if you place and attach more value on your things than on your spouse.
They are more valuable and more important than a shirt or skirt. If they burn your shirt they cannot be killed for that. I know there are many of us men in particular who think our clothes are more important than our wives. This is a deception and a trap.
Value your spouse. Love adds value to the other person.
Decide to love your spouse or your family or fiancé:
Remove material things from it and be genuine. Love is there to be enjoyed. Yes, it endures all things, but it is enjoyable and the most refreshing gift of human life. What am I saying to you today? Your love for your spouse is not dependent on material things.
Separate the two and love your spouse. To love your spouse is to love yourself. You do not need things to love. Everyone can love with or without money. Money becomes a mere urgent to facilitate provisions. It can never supersede love.