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Women are Their Own Enemies

Dear Abena,

I don’t know if it’s an advice I’m looking for but I’m just hurt. I met this guy 2 years ago but he was about to travel so we didn’t meet again till he left. After he left, he came back last year for 1 month, met my family to talk marriage and went back again. Then he came back this year and went back. That’s when everything changed.

You see I’m a single mother and divorced. My son has spoken to him on videos and calls and has come to love him as a father. My cousin, my mother’s sister’s daughter had a child when she was just 16yrs so it was my mother who took it upon herself to raise the child because all of us had left home. My niece calls me “mummy.” She calls my mother “mummy” too. My Jnr calls my cousin “mummy” and same to my real sister. I told him this in the beginning when he heard her call me “mummy.”

This year when he came, Abena, he was so cold. Giving me attitude and he’ll come and visit but only laugh with Jnr. I’ll ask him is anything wrong and he’ll say no. He even told me I’m imagining things. Then he went and told me he’s no longer interested. I asked him for the reason and he didn’t want to tell me. 3 months went by and he texted me to forget him because he’s dating someone else. I cried continuously for one week.

Abena, I wasn’t thinking about myself but Jnr. How hurt he was that “daddy” wasn’t calling us again. I’ve got my pride and stopped calling. I told my family that he was with someone else. My mother wasn’t happy with how things ended and forced me to call him. I texted that she wanted to talk to him on my phone and he called.

Then he told her that my friend told him that my niece is actually my daughter so he wanted to find out the truth from her. Abena, what my mother did to him that day, you should have been there. She asked him that what prevented him from calling her all these times to ask? And why didn’t he believe me when I told him? If I was hiding my daughter from him, will I let him talk to the girl because she was always talking about him.

Abena, he’s apologized but what pains me is that I never knew he had my friend’s number. The same friend who will come for items from my boutique and not pay. He was the one who told me to stop being friends with her. He’s apologized but I’m hurt and not sure I can be with him again. He’s also dating and says he’ll break up with her but I’ve told him not to. The other lady doesn’t deserve to be dumped like that. Aunty, I know some people lie about the number of kids they have but why did he choose to believe my friend over me? That’s what I don’t get.

Source: Abena Magis